Swindle Memories

A collection of anecdotes from the Saturday Swindle

Longest "Bain Bowl" match

On 24 January 2009 John Machin beat Steve Gray in the Bain Bowl. The win was most impressive having started his round with a desperate lack of sleep and wondering if he had any blood in his alcohol stream he found himself six down at the turn! He managed to get it back to level on 18 before finally overcoming Steve on the 5th extra hole!

Snow Good!

Thirteen Swindlers turned up for the first round of 2006, but only four played!

The initial sleety drizzle turned into a concerted snow storm as the players sipped their coffee and exchanged seasonal stories. The course was closed for inspection, then opened with four temporary greens and the dawn chorus table tee'd off into the white unknown. A few minutes later they were seen trudging back down the first, defeated by their first putts which traveled only 2-3 feet before picking up a heavy band of snow.

The course was then closed again, and the first of the Swindlers decided to drift off back to their warm duvets.

The hardy souls stayed with the hope that the snow would stop, the temperature would rise, and they could start their round in their shorts and polo shirts. No chance. More Swindlers drifted away, and just the "Mad Dogs" remained, thinking, "It's a Saturday. I play golf!".

Eventually, the course was again re-opened, with 18 temporary greens, the Medal competition cancelled and a Stableford replacing it. The remaining four nutters, Nick Hayward, Chris Daniel, Tony Malyon and Colin Reardon wandered round to the first tee, threw up the balls, and the pairing of Malyon & Daniel got their first ever chance to play together (be nice!). Four good tee shots (honest!) and off they trundled through the white-out up the first. Problem! How the hell do you see a white golf ball in the snow? Answer. You search a lot, and follow the green line!

Malyon/Daniel win the first with a par. Having to hit the putts through 1/2" of snow is not easy. A six-foot putt needs to be hit about as hard as you would usually hit a 30-foot putt on a normal green!

Yellow and orange balls replace the white for Malyon & Reardon as the drives zing down the second (Reardon onto the cricket square as usual). Approach shots head towards the second temporary green with various degrees of success. Reardon's approach from way out in the boonies leaves him just 15-feet from the pin and he chips in for the birdie! All square.

With Hayward and Daniel using white balls (and Hayward's hands a matching colour), finding the balls on the fairways proved increasingly difficult ... just follow the green line. But I don't think that a single ball was lost!

Hayward and Reardon then win four consecutive holes to take the front-nine and then the revival begins. On the 12th, it's all square and then Malyon/Daniel go one-up on 13.

By the time the match arrives at the 18th, nearly all the snow has gone, and it's back to putting on grass. What a weird experience! Hayward's birdie 2 takes the ooslums and halves the match. The only money that changes hands is the bits.

A really odd golfing experience, but all the players agreed it was worth it.

Contributor: Colin Reardon, 14 January 2006

Splash Back

One summer morning, Trevor Bain was taking his stance on the 7th tee, just about to start his back-swing, when the tee sprinklers burst to life. Trevor was hit by a jet up his backside. The sprinklers went off immediately. After much mirth from the rest of the four-ball, Trevor again took his stance and was once again about to start his back-swing, when the sprinklers burst to life again! The rest of the group were uncontrollable with laughter as Trevor uttered a string of expletives. The sprinklers went off again immediately, and a very damp Trevor finally got his tee-shot away. Gary Simmons apologised, as the sprinklers were being tested. Great timing!

Contributor: Colin Reardon, 24 January 2005

Stuart joins the Swindle

Colin, Eric and Trevor were on the tee and (apparently) waiting for a fourth to complete a cross-country scramble team. Stuart Saunders had recently joined the club and was hoping for a game, but didn't realise the course was closed for the cross-country event. Colin suggested to Eric and Trevor that Stuart might be looking for a game, to which Eric responded, " if he has a pulse we will have him!". Stuart did have a pulse and duly made up the team - the bonus was his 28 handicap!

Contributor: Stuart Saunders, 31 January 2005

3 into 4 won't go

Swindles decide which pairs should play each other in foursomes by throwing the four balls in the air. Stuart had seen this being done, so wanting to appear to be "au fait" with the system volunteered to throw the balls in the air to decide how to pair a threesome!

Contributor: Stuart Saunders, 31 January 2005

Faux pas !

At the end of a day's golf in France, the 8 members of the group were invited to Colin's house for drinks - Trevor, Ken and Bob were staying with Colin and Eric, Ian S, Ian M and Stuart were staying at a nearby hotel. After drinks we all got into our cars for a short drive to the restaurant for dinner which took us past the hotel. Stuart was driving a maroon Renault "people carrier" with Eric in the passenger seat and the two Ians behind. As we passed the hotel car park Eric noticed a maroon Renault "people carrier" with its lights on, and reminded Stuart that he had left his lights on!!

Contributor: Stuart Saunders, 31 January 2005